Offsite Harassment and Bullying.

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Vis
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Mon Oct 16, 2017 7:19 am

I have something to say that I think is important.

I know this rule was written with specific attention to direct messages, but it was born from something wider. Not too long ago, members of this community were creating hate groups against specific users of this community on Discord, dA, and Facebook. We're doing a lot better, but we aren't there yet. It's important to remember that even if you aren't sending people messages you can still be engaging in bullying, abusive behavior by shaming people, calling them names, embarrassing them in public, or spreading rumors.

In particular, I see this directed with additional venom towards the admin team, which exploits an imbalance of power that you are well aware of. If you are going to say things about me like, "Oh, Voidrae is so lazy and can't check poses consistently and doesn't care about anyone but herself" on deviantArt, Facebook, FA, Twitter, etc, what do you expect me to be able to do? I am an admin. I volunteered for this job and as a result of that I can't get into the kind of fights I normally would when someone is spreading rumors about me. I am helpless and you are taking advantage of that intentionally because you know if I were to defend myself I would at the very least get into trouble. At most, I would receive a permanent Chatlands ban for breaking the admin code of conduct.

I can see you out there, giving me the side eye, thinking I am using myself as a straw man and really I'm just thinking of you and whatever it is you said about another administrator. I actually see people saying these things about me. This is not an isolated issue.

I am intentionally NOT using statements I have actually seen expressed because it's not my intention to put this on anyone and it is the furthest thing from my heart to shame anyone. That being said, I can't think of a way to address this topic without bringing it up.

People get upset and when people hurt they say dumb things. In a perfect world, people would say, "Hey, I said that thing and it was really shitty and I'm sorry. I don't understand why I said it but I was frustrated and upset and it just happened." Hell, in a PERFECT perfect world they'd go on to say, "I'm still upset with you though because of this, this, and this. It made me feel some kinda way and we need to talk it out."

If you saw people on Tumblr telling lies about Pomegranate, Blaze, or Hiddickington you would say something and you would expect us to enforce this rule on their behalf to remove toxic, emotionally abusive people from this community. You place a measure of trust in us that, no matter our differences, when it comes down to it we will enforce the rules you agreed to to protect the community. You deserve that effort, care, and protection.

I think we should begin enforcing this rule when it's directed towards administrators as much as when it's directed towards members.

I deserve to feel safe here, too.

Everyone does.

There will always be conflicts in this community. There will also always be ways to resolve it. If you ever have a problem or bad blood with someone you can ask me, any administrator, and I'm sure a number of users here to act as an impartial mediator. We are all people, we all make mistakes, but fuck it we're trying.

--------------

All that business being said (and if you read all of that without trying to put your head in your disk drive I commend you) I would like to make sure we all understand that this kind of harassment is not going to be tolerated anymore. If you are so angry and hurt that you need to say cruel things, reach out to one of us or someone you trust and find a way to talk it out. I can provide resources for learning how to perform effective mediation if it's desired by the community, and I know I don't just speak for myself when I say that I want us to learn to communicate and fix this stupid clusterfuck.

If it's so important that you can't let it go, then you have a duty to resolve it. If it's not important enough for you to resolve it, then you have the power to let it go.
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Mon Oct 16, 2017 9:50 am

*cracks knuckles*

early apologies if this ends up being longer than originally thought out and EVEN MORE apologies if i'm not intelligent enough to accurately form a TL;DR footnote afterwards

first i'd like to say whoever had the resources to accumulate ANY sort of dirt on you void they must be a demigod because DAMN you're one of the most patient, understanding and unconditionally caring individuals on this digital and physical realm

it is not my intention to overstep any boundaries; i'm speaking purely as someone who's been a victim of bullying the moment i realized pretending to be a dog was more fun than being a human in kindergarten and the moment my body liked to proudly display my admiration for junk food. i'm sure i speak for the ENTIRE chatlands community, administration and unranked members, when i say anyone who has the common sense to be a decent person wouldn't want ANYONE, no matter their age, sex, gender preference, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, involvement, background or life experience to feel under attack or unsafe when they login

the ugly truth is no matter what occupation you're in, no matter what age group you come across, there are going to be some really awful human beings that lack empathy and sympathy and truly believe their words and actions have no consequence. sometimes they feel they're actually helping their victims. sometimes bullying is one huge misunderstanding. i personally will never comprehend the joy of making someone feel invaluable and unsafe, but i know there have been times i've been a bystander rather than an upstander, and there have been jokes i've laughed at that's genuinely hurt someone

but bullies have as much control as YOU'RE willing to give them. if you have physical evidence of another user(s) bullying you on wolfhome's chat or forums, it's important to speak up immediately and private message a wolfhome staff member to handle the situation promptly -- an environment where they have the control to do something about it. no matter how scared or hurt you are, it's important to be level-headed and cooperative so things go smoothly for you, the admin and everyone else involved

don't put them on blast, here or anywhere else. as i've said on discord moments before: by making a public accusation about someone or a group's behavior, the innocent assume it's about them, the guilty just use it as more ammunition against you, and staff have to keep the fire from spreading even further by locking your topic and reprimanding you

void's topic here is to bring awareness to the dynamic admins face; not being able to stick up for themselves as they would have been able to if they had not been a professional representative of wolfhome

you are a victim of bullying and you should not have to be silenced -- however, there are smoother ways to approach and mend the situation and come up with ideas on how it'll be prevented in the future

in my personal opinion, if there are people purposely provoking you offsite because they know they're untouched off wolfhome, it's your responsibility to handle it. legally wolfhome administration cannot intervene, and neither is it their responsibility or moral obligation to message off site staff to alert them of the behavior happening. block, delete, stop responding, message the site's team, do what YOU have to do to handle the harassment off site. sometimes it's easier to just accept freedom of speech and let it be. move on

HOWEVER,

i also think it's important that if said users are participating on wolfhome, it wouldn't be a bad idea to calmly and professionally have physical evidence at hand to send wolfhome staff so they can be alerted of the behaviors these users have outside the community. it gives them an early start for when a disrespectful user acts out on wolfhome and its forums. "this person(s) is like this there, so it's no surprise this has happened here now"

there is no secret motive with wolfhome administration. they do not get pleasure from complaints and off site slander, in fact, get this... it stresses them out even more! if you're not impressed with the performance of an admin, address them personally. if they're not willing to explain themselves or negotiate, address a rank higher. address underdog! even though it is your freedom of speech, it's unprofessional to complain about ANYONE, ANYWHERE that offers zero positive criticism. how is someone going to improve or do you right continuing forward?

in conclusion:

- professionally address an issue you're having like an adult, don't talk shit behind anyone's back
- always keep administration informed of bullying and provocative behavior on wolfhome and its forums
- let wolfhome admins know when a wolfhome user is causing trouble for you and others off-site (with evidence), but understand that it is YOUR responsibility to handle the user(s) there
- be kind wherever and whenever you can. you don't know when your sense of humor is someone else's insecurity
- do your part in making wolfhome a safe place
- yes, poses REALLY DO need to be clean and the right size, it's not the end of the world if your poses take a few hours longer for your use

i apologize if anyone felt targeted or if i overstepped any lines, that wasn't my intention. if anyone ever needs someone to vent to, or you're not sure how to handle a social situation, my inbox is always open!
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Mon Oct 16, 2017 12:20 pm

spreading hate does more damage than good. If you have a problem with someone its best to talk it out with them. It costs $0 to not be a complete ass and if we're gonna be honest here, cyberbullying is a federal offense. You're making more trouble than what you initially went through and the world would be a better place if everyone could just handle their issues as civilized people.
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Mon Oct 16, 2017 2:44 pm

YES VOID
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Mon Oct 16, 2017 8:50 pm

Yes THIS
Thank you so much for posting this hiawbdjnk
This sadly is a topic that needs to be addressed but wow this is very powerful and good. Everyone's responses are amazing as well, I hope this kind of thing changes!
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Tue Oct 17, 2017 3:15 am

can i just add that if you see someone actively bullying someone else, you should probably speak up and say something. they might not be talking about you but collect the evidence at hand and make sure someone knows about this so that something can be done about it... staying silent in this situation just lets the bully or bullies continue with their hate. dont give them a free pass.
you'd want the same done for you, i'm sure.
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Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:38 am

^^^^^
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Tue Oct 17, 2017 9:47 am

goth wrote:
Tue Oct 17, 2017 3:15 am
can i just add that if you see someone actively bullying someone else, you should probably speak up and say something. they might not be talking about you but collect the evidence at hand and make sure someone knows about this so that something can be done about it... staying silent in this situation just lets the bully or bullies continue with their hate. dont give them a free pass.
you'd want the same done for you, i'm sure.
^^^ this
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Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:13 pm

Yeah, it's really sad how prominent this has become. I feel like negativity has always been present, though. I would love for everyone to just get along :(
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Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:27 pm

It kinda goes in cycles, but this is the first time we've implemented a rule about it. Hopefully an ounce of intervention will be worth a pound of cure!
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Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:47 pm

hey uh can i just say that
putting people down for their orientation/gender identity/etc. IS bullying??? and shouldn't be tolerated??? especially on a site like this where we have such a huge LGBT+ community. if you're purposely putting people down for their orientation or pronouns you're the reason why topics like this have to be made and discussed.

i'm sorry if this comes off as rude but i'm sick of seeing my friends being picked on and disrespected especially in this community. we're suppose to build each other UP not tear each another down. really disappointing.

:ohman:
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Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:48 pm

Doolin wrote:
Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:47 pm
hey uh can i just say that
putting people down for their orientation/gender identity/etc. IS bullying??? and shouldn't be tolerated??? especially on a site like this where we have such a huge LGBT+ community. if you're purposely putting people down for their orientation or pronouns you're the reason why topics like this have to be made and discussed.

i'm sorry if this comes off as rude but i'm sick of seeing my friends being picked on and disrespected especially in this community. we're suppose to build each other UP not tear each another down. really disappointing.

:ohman:
THIS IS IMPORTANT....
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Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:58 pm

SpookquaTheBirb wrote:
Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:48 pm
Doolin wrote:
Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:47 pm
hey uh can i just say that
putting people down for their orientation/gender identity/etc. IS bullying??? and shouldn't be tolerated??? especially on a site like this where we have such a huge LGBT+ community. if you're purposely putting people down for their orientation or pronouns you're the reason why topics like this have to be made and discussed.

i'm sorry if this comes off as rude but i'm sick of seeing my friends being picked on and disrespected especially in this community. we're suppose to build each other UP not tear each another down. really disappointing.

:ohman:
THIS IS IMPORTANT....
We think so, too!
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Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:55 pm

touches this because people seem to not be aware of it
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Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:05 pm

. WHOOPS
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